When people talk about slow living, I imagine being in a Scandinavian hygge simple minimalist house in the middle of the woods, where I sip coffee while writing down my thoughts and emotions, lifting my head and looking out the window at the landscape where it is snowing and a bird flies by. Chopin’s nocturnes playing in the background.
Let’s say that I am very far from this interpretation. And yet I realized that I experienced real slow living. And it all happens here, in Italy. The most frenetic and loud slow living.
Italian slow chaos
I remember me and a friend of mine, who lived here years ago, as we talked about meeting on the beach in the town of Camogli. We said what day we would meet there.. and that was all. We did not agree on where exactly we would wait for each other and at what time. But neither of us felt stressed or anxious. I arrived there by bus and train that day, I looked around the beach and saw her lying on a towel reading a book. I joined her without any explanation as to why I hadn’t arrived earlier. It wasn’t needed.
Then one of her friends who came from Australia to work as an au-pair in Genova also joined us. She was telling us stories about how she goes on boat trips all over Liguria, during which she takes pictures on her analog camera or draws in the sketchbook. Later, when we were supposed to go to the mountains where my friend lived, we wondered how we would get there. Shall we go by train, then cable car, and then walk 5 km through the forest? When a friend stopped by and said he would give us a ride. We were happy and at the same time, we didn’t care because we were enjoying the moment. What happened next didn’t matter.
One other day, the same friend and I were supposed to go to a village party. When I was almost at her home in the mountains, she wrote to me that she had changed her mind and felt better at home reading a book. I wasn’t mad at her at all, I just said I understood and went there without her. Imagine going to a party with someone who would rather read a book at home over tea!
I can imagine that for someone who lives a hectic life, this would be unacceptable. Can’t agree on an exact time? Cancel plans at the last minute and not come up with a proper excuse?
I can say that I feel much better in this slow chaos.
It is a state of mind where you perceive using your intuition. And it has nothing to do with being rude or uncaring. It means my needs are just as important as yours. And conversely.
However, we should remember that this only works if both parties feel the same way. It’s like going on vacation with friends and not caring who buys what and when. No one cares if he spends more because he doesn’t care, he’s happy that they can be together and have a great time. But until one of them says: “Can you give me half for those bananas? And for the beer I bought you yesterday.” Then all the magic is gone and everyone is just constantly thinking if everything is divided “fairly”.
A few days ago I asked a friend of mine to shorten some skirts for me. I knew she wouldn’t ask for anything, but I still wanted to appreciate her work and the time she spent on it. So I bought her a small gift, some natural cosmetics. Her reaction honestly surprised me. She was offended and hurt because, from her point of view, it was as if I wanted to pay her for it. She told me: “I will not take anything from you under any circumstances. We are helping each other here. I didn’t do it because I want something from you, but because I like you and I am happy to be of help to you.”
Do you know what I mean? How many people would ask for money for that?
At this point, I have to say that Italians are the most warm and generous people I have ever met (although people from Liguria are said to be stingy). When you visit them, they always treat you with the best they have at home (those to whom this would not apply will not invite you to see them). I remember once I was at my friend’s place for a few days and I felt like a queen there. However, it was such a poor family that they didn’t even have heating at home.
Living slowly in the fast world
Living slowly is about enjoying the present. And most importantly, don’t rush anywhere. Although Italians seem very energetic and hectic at first glance, in reality, it is very important for them to enjoy the moment. And of course, food is often that moment. Whether it’s just a simple lunch in a trattoria, dinner with friends, or a family meeting.
We have a family lunch here every Saturday. We never know in advance how many of us there will be, which aunt will come, and if the neighbors will come too. But there is always a place for everyone and, most importantly, there is always enough food. It is an unsaid rule that everyone who comes prepares something good. The only thing that is being cooked at the moment is, of course, pasta.
We prepare food according to the season and mostly from vegetables from our garden. Someone prepares torta di bietole, someone else parmigiana di melanzane or stuffed tomatoes, I often make hearty vegetable soups and fruit cakes.
Then we taste, pass plates of food, pour wine, talk, reminisce, and all over again. After the meal, we wait for coffee and then we do something together. Either we go to sit in the neighbors’ garden, where we will again meet with an unknown number of other neighbors, friends, and family members, or we go to the forest, where we collect mushrooms and chestnuts – depending on the season.
It takes hours before we reach a place, even though it is close because our aunts stop at every flower or rock that reminds them of anything surreal. They remember their childhood and tell the stories of the people who used to live in the now destroyed and dilapidated houses.
The same if you need to do some work in the garden. I usually avoid doing things on Saturdays because I know they will take much longer than they should. This is because people here talk more than work. But sometimes something unexpected happens, for example, wild boars destroy the fence and eat all the planted potatoes. So they all get together to think of the best way to prevent the pigs from entering the garden and start looking for the necessary materials. That means – old bed frames, wires, iron bars, all the ugly waste that has turned out to be very useful and effective over the years.
In the evening, everyone is tired and thinking about how to relax on Sunday by doing nothing (I think about what I will do for work because I was doing nothing on Saturday). Then I give everyone the vegetables and fruits from the garden and the things I prepared during the week (like jam, fruit syrup, or basil pesto) and everyone runs off to their homes again to collect new experiences that he will tell us on Saturday.
So what am I doing so slowly?
The only time I run is when I feel like jogging in the woods with the dog, or when we get caught by a cloudburst in the garden.
We had a bulletin board where I wrote the jobs that needed to be done every month. But after a while, I only changed the names of the months, so I don’t write them anymore. The list remains and changes as needed, but when we do things it’s in the stars (in Czech we use the phrase “is in the stars” to say that we don’t know – it’s up to the circumstances of life).
As you may have noticed, I’m not a big fan of social media. I honestly don’t enjoy spending time on them, as a user and even a creator. From my point of view, it’s nothing more than an advertisement masquerading as entertainment. Except for a few exceptions, where one can find something interesting and get inspired (very few).
So what do we do when we’re not spending long hours staring at screens? Most of the time we create something. There is always something to do. I cook a lot, everyday I prepare at least two hot meals a day, bake bread or cake, make food preservations (like jam, pesto, syrup, sauce, etc.), and collect and dry herbs and medicinal plants. We rebuild the old house and take care of the flower and vegetable garden. We write, draw, upcycle furniture, meet family and friends, play with kids, and take care of our animals. And I’m talking, of course, about free time. Not about time spent at work.
And in all of this, we find time for adventure. It could be a walk in the mountains, an afternoon spent by the river, or a trip to Tuscany. But I keep the real adventure to myself, our daughter is still too small (adventure is almost everything for her) and my husband does not like improvised and unexpected events.
I love discovering forgotten villages, hidden lakes, and wild animals in the forest. Or wandering not famous parts of towns, little paths between stone houses or rocky beaches without people. My dream is to have a small wooden and simple boat. No wonder that I would call it Aventura.
I think adventure and wandering are food for the soul.
And when we don’t create, we rest. We chat over a cup of coffee or go to taste a new beer brewed by our neighbor.
I have to admit that I also spend a lot of time just looking at the mountains that surround us. I have this memory – it’s my first day in Switzerland and I feel the loneliest I’ve ever felt before or since. From my bed, I could see through the window the peaks of the mountains that surrounded us. I looked at them and somehow I felt that they were protecting me. As if they were outstretched arms inviting me to curl up with them. I started crying and at the same time, it started raining outside.
The mountains here are very similar. The only difference is that here I don’t live in a valley, but almost on top of a mountain. I don’t feel like I need their protection, I’m more of a part of them. I run in their forests, through the thickets, sometimes I get injured on a log I climb over, or I get lost and wander the wild animal trail before I get to a place I know.
And such is life.